Love & Relationships Coaching
|
Did you know that growing up, most of us had horrible examples of how love relationships should work? Our parents may have loved each other, but they had no idea what they were doing or what they were teaching us.
And don't even get me started on how insane and false Hollywood's ideas about love are! If you want a fairy tale marriage, you have got to be a cartoon! With relationship coaching, you will learn so many things and solve so many problems related to your love life. Together, we'll solve common issues like: |
Being in a loving relationship feels this good, and you can have that!
|
- Do you have problems staying in a relationship once the romantic thrill is gone, but deep down you want a lasting, committed relationship more than anything else?
- Are you convinced there is someone out there for you, but you have no idea how to find him/her/them and you're not even really sure anyone will want to find you?
- Do you want to have a better relationship with your spouse or partner, but you can't possibly figure out how to fix what's broken?
- Are you disillusioned by the media's (or your family's!) opinions about how love should look and you want to create the love relationship that meets your needs and let's you shine as the unique person you are?
The main goals of relationship coaching are typically to create the perfect conditions for a love relationship, attain the love you deserve, and get the exact relationship you desire.
The focus is on getting you what you want so you wake up every morning thinking, "I am incredibly loved!!"
Example of a Relationship Coaching Client
As with my wellness coaching and life coaching clients, I have developed a hypothetical relationship coaching client so you can get a feel for what this type of coaching looks like.
(Also, I want to point that just because my client portraits are women does not mean men can't get coaching! Of course they can. It's just more common for me to have female clients for coaching.)
(Also, I want to point that just because my client portraits are women does not mean men can't get coaching! Of course they can. It's just more common for me to have female clients for coaching.)
Marianne, 52, married to Jim for 6 years (second marriage for them both)
|
Marianne found me when she was looking into marriage counseling for herself and her second husband, Jim. She knew Jim would be surprised that she wanted to enter counseling, because to him, their relationship was perfect. He was a loving, caring, conscientious man who always seemed to be able to put Marianne first.
But Marianne was not feeling happy in the relationship. Something was missing. It had started to remind her too much of her first marriage, which ended very unhappily 4 years before she met Jim. She didn't want another divorce. |
Marianne knows both she and her husband deserve the best relationship possible. Coaching helped her figure out how to make it happen.
|
It's that memory of how her previous marriage fell apart that makes Marianne think coaching is the right move, rather than dragging Jim into couples counseling.
Maybe this is my issue? she thought. Maybe I just need to learn a different way of being with him?
She emails me to explain her situation and her questions because she wants to be sure: Is her situation appropriate for coaching?
Yes, it is. There's no physical or emotional abuse. No diagnosed psychosis. No ugly legal battle over kids or property. Marianne's situation is exactly right for coaching.
We start with a package of 3 session (the Clarity Package) and work together once per week.
In our first session, I ask Marianne tons of questions about Jim:
We spend a lot of time narrowing down exactly--and I mean exactly--what she is not satisfied with in the relationship.
And then we identify the actual reasons for that dissatisfaction: Are they Jim's behaviors? Are they Marianne's unrealistic expectations? Or is this simply a communication and responsibility problem?
I say "simply," but for most people seeking relationship coaching who are already in a relationship, the problem is truly one of
(1) the unsatisfied party not feeling able or being willing to communicate what they need, and/or
(2) the unsatisfied party or both parties not taking responsibility for getting what they need from the relationship.
This turns out to be exactly the problem for Marianne.
Somewhere along the line, she had given up contributing to the relationship and left it all up to Jim, expecting him to read her mind.
And when she wasn't satisfied with the result, she started to resent him instead of seeing the truth: Relationships are about two people, learning to communicate what they need and want from the other and for themselves, and learning to support the other without giving up their own goals, priorities, and needs in the process.
Once she was able to identify how her own lack of responsibility was causing her unhappiness with Jim (who truly was an amazingly caring and loving man), Marianne and I could move forward with a clear objective.
In Session 2, we got to work with Steps 1 to 3 of the Coaching Cycle.
In the process, Marianne was able to identify exactly what she needed to feel on a daily basis. Then, our conversation helped her get clear on how she could feel those things via her own actions, and what actions she could ask Jim to take to help her feel those feelings while with him.
Finally, we came up with a strategy and mapped a conversation that she could have with Jim that very evening to see if he was on board.
When Marianne joined me for our third and final call, she was elated.
Not only was Jim completely on board with the requests she had made, he expressed heartfelt concern that Marianne had not come to him with her problems sooner. He was thrilled to have a clear set of expectations from Marianne, and she told me he was going above and beyond even her requests.
Marianne ended up booking another 3-session Clarity Package to continue making strides with her relationships--both with Jim and with herself.
Our sessions together help Marianne learn further communication, boundary-setting, and self-love skills so she can keep identifying her needs, expressing them, and being responsible for her own sense of wellbeing in her relationship.
Maybe this is my issue? she thought. Maybe I just need to learn a different way of being with him?
She emails me to explain her situation and her questions because she wants to be sure: Is her situation appropriate for coaching?
Yes, it is. There's no physical or emotional abuse. No diagnosed psychosis. No ugly legal battle over kids or property. Marianne's situation is exactly right for coaching.
We start with a package of 3 session (the Clarity Package) and work together once per week.
In our first session, I ask Marianne tons of questions about Jim:
- What does she love about him?
- What does she like about him?
- What does he respect or admire about him?
- How does he treat her?
- When does she feel disappointed by him?
- When does she feel angry with him?
We spend a lot of time narrowing down exactly--and I mean exactly--what she is not satisfied with in the relationship.
And then we identify the actual reasons for that dissatisfaction: Are they Jim's behaviors? Are they Marianne's unrealistic expectations? Or is this simply a communication and responsibility problem?
I say "simply," but for most people seeking relationship coaching who are already in a relationship, the problem is truly one of
(1) the unsatisfied party not feeling able or being willing to communicate what they need, and/or
(2) the unsatisfied party or both parties not taking responsibility for getting what they need from the relationship.
This turns out to be exactly the problem for Marianne.
Somewhere along the line, she had given up contributing to the relationship and left it all up to Jim, expecting him to read her mind.
And when she wasn't satisfied with the result, she started to resent him instead of seeing the truth: Relationships are about two people, learning to communicate what they need and want from the other and for themselves, and learning to support the other without giving up their own goals, priorities, and needs in the process.
Once she was able to identify how her own lack of responsibility was causing her unhappiness with Jim (who truly was an amazingly caring and loving man), Marianne and I could move forward with a clear objective.
In Session 2, we got to work with Steps 1 to 3 of the Coaching Cycle.
In the process, Marianne was able to identify exactly what she needed to feel on a daily basis. Then, our conversation helped her get clear on how she could feel those things via her own actions, and what actions she could ask Jim to take to help her feel those feelings while with him.
Finally, we came up with a strategy and mapped a conversation that she could have with Jim that very evening to see if he was on board.
When Marianne joined me for our third and final call, she was elated.
Not only was Jim completely on board with the requests she had made, he expressed heartfelt concern that Marianne had not come to him with her problems sooner. He was thrilled to have a clear set of expectations from Marianne, and she told me he was going above and beyond even her requests.
Marianne ended up booking another 3-session Clarity Package to continue making strides with her relationships--both with Jim and with herself.
Our sessions together help Marianne learn further communication, boundary-setting, and self-love skills so she can keep identifying her needs, expressing them, and being responsible for her own sense of wellbeing in her relationship.