I’m absolutely terrified to write this post.
This post is about my dreams. It’s about the dreams that I neglected while I pursued what I had convinced myself were “smarter” (i.e., someone else's) goals. In 2009, I walked away from my dreams (a second time!) and into what would become the most difficult period of my life, fighting for things I did not believe in, getting farther and farther away from myself in the process.
In my mind, my dreams would never be attainable. I could not put aside all of the other noise, distraction, and false needs to pursue my authentic dreams. So I didn’t. And I suffered. Wow, have I suffered.
But the suffering ends today.
Because after years of exploring and traveling and living a free life that brought me every emotional experience on the spectrum, I realized that the thing that I most want to dedicate my time to, the thing that I am amazingly good at, and that consistently rocks my world, is helping people get ultra clear about how they can help themselves.
I call that coaching.
I have known since 2002 that I am a listener, a questioner, a coach. I’m not solely a teacher, even though I have taught in one form or another for 17 years. But more than a teacher, I am an extraordinary listener. I hear things you don’t even say, and things you don’t even know you're thinking, and I help you find the space and courage to say them and know them.
My entire being is alive and engaged when I am in the presence of a person filled with questions, filled with uncertainty or ambivalence, filled with desire for something different/new/true, and seeking clarity, seeking answers, seeking a oneness with herself.
I disappear in those moments, and my ears, eyes, and some magical method of connecting/hearing/processing/speaking happens where “I” used to be. I help the person filled with questions realize their own answers. I help the person lacking certainty come to a place where there is enough certainty to try something that feels right. I help the person seeking oneness with herself get one bit closer to being integrated and whole.
What I am doing in those moments is not teaching. And it’s not counseling. The only thing I can think of is to call it coaching. I am a coach.
The art and skills of a coach feel as though they make up my natural state, because when I am in that state my ego does not exist. I am whole, I am new, and I am authentically me.
That--being authentically me--is what I have been seeking my whole life (see What Is an ENFP for more on that), even though I knew how to achieve it as early as 2003, after I completed coach training and started practicing coaching with some of my fitness clients.
I was no longer the expert, I was the listener. I was no longer the person with the answers, I was the person helping the answers emerge from the questioner. I was no longer the one doing all the work, I was the one handing the tools over to the one who needed to do the work. It was magic. I’m sure it’s still magic. But I been neglecting my coaching career because I couldn’t see how I’d ever make a living doing it. Back in 2009 when I had the choice, I was too afraid to try.
Since that time, I experienced the unfortunate relationships, poor choices, draining work, utter sadness, depressing emptiness, listlessness, directionless living, and ill health that go along with neglecting one's dreams.
But today, thankfully, I'm done. It’s time I finally gave up my suffering and faced the fear that can present itself when we put our dreams front and center.
What happens now that I am pursuing the dreams I set aside so long ago? What does this look like? I have no clue! I’m going in with my heart and willing to see what happens.
In the last 14 years, I’ve at least done something really well: I learned exactly what I do and don’t want, what does and does not inspire me. And editing, which is all I have been doing professionally the last few years (see that gap in my blog posts?), does not actually inspire me. It easily drains me. Because I need people. Physical people. In my presence. Sitting next to me. Walking next to me. Telling me their stories. Filling my ears with their words. Filling my eyes with their loveliness.
Because to me, people—specifically, my own interactions with other people—are my whole reason for being on this planet. I want nothing more than to hear other people tell me their stories all day, every day, and for me to be allowed to ask questions: “What about this? What does that mean? What inspired you to use that word? What do you need in order to feel and be joyful?”
For a while I thought I was a writer. Sure, I write. I love words. I love language. I love the meaning and feeling and energy of words. I am certain I’ll be doing a lot of writing in the future.
But writing is secondary to the real magic in my life: Listening to, and really hearing, another person and helping her get unstuck and get moving into her desire, her goals, her dreams, her best and most empowered self.
I used to say that by being a back-pain expert and yoga teacher, I was helping people access their minds through their body—going in “through the back door.”
I still think that’s true, but it was never totally satisfying to me. I want to go in through the front door. I want to be the person that you turn to when you feel with your heart that you’re not being the person you really want to be, and you need a support, a hand, a toolbox, whatever to help you break through Door #2.
In fact, I had originally intended, when I started building the Hauber Method™, for the program to contain both a physical and an emotional/spiritual component because I saw so clearly the connection between people’s physical pain and their not living an authentic life. But I was so afraid that no one would trust me enough to help them—even though by that time, the physical exercises alone were helping dozens of people in countries all over the world.
Now, finally, in 2017, I am plowing through my fears, and I am opening up the offer, to you and everyone you know who wants more than anything to live a fuller, richer, healthier, happier, more joyful life, to engage in life-changing coaching with me.
What are your dreams? What feelings do you want to feel on a daily basis? What actions do you want to take and what scenery do you want to see? Do you even know?
Maybe we start there: What do you actually want?
Maybe you only know that it’s not what you already have.
That’s step one. You’re almost there. I can help you get the rest of the way.
I’m reminded of Barbara Sher’s book “Wishcraft,” which acts as a step-by-step guide for “how to get what you really want.” I guess my coaching could be viewed like that. But instead of a book as a guide, it’s just you and me, following my Coaching Cycle all the way to your goals. You exploring your dreams and desires, me being present and asking you exactly the right questions to get you to move one step closer to those dreams and desires.
Let’s just get started now. I have waited more than a decade to allow coaching, the one career I absolutely love, to be the center of my professional life.
How long have you been waiting for what you love? And are you really willing to wait even longer?
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